her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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