coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
