I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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