Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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