I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
