I'm really into asian looking animals
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
