I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
