i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This toilet bowl is my home.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
