This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
