I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize