Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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