she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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