She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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