He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
