Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize