Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
