God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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