So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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