im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
