oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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