Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
