Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
