I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
