honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
