you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
