so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
