nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
