you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
