you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
