She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
