so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
