While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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