I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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