is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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