Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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