What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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