Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
