Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
