I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think people are normalizing furries
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
