Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize