i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The best revenge is premature balding
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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