I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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