i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
