dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
