I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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