I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
