Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
