i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
