fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize