My balls are so social today.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
