i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
