Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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