i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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