I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
