i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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