I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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