he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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