my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
