Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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