I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
