i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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