just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
