Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
