I seem to have left my pride at pride
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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