We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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