I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
