Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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